Last week, a woman at work said that she's been a fool for love many times. It was like a dare to me and, not one to turn away from a dare, I told her that I could do better, many times over. Naturally, she challenged me. I decided to go easy on some of the really silly things that I've done when it has come to love and picked a fairly pedestrian tale.
A few years ago, I went with a group of friends to watch a screening of the original "Jesus Christ Superstar" film. When I was hanging out with the Doyle girls down the block when I was in junior high school (I have spoken of several times as the catalyst for my love of music), we listened to the "Jesus Christ Superstar" album in their basement a lot. I don't know quite know how to explain this, but the music and movie, which I had watched with them, sort of scared me. Well, maybe not scared, but definitely haunted me. Today, I still can't figure out what that was, but I can remember it as if I were 12 and feeling the uneasy feeling that I had while listening. As an adult, reintroduced to the film and music, I was mesmerized once again.
After seeing the movie, I couldn't get the song, "I Don't Know How to Love Him," out of mind. Besotted at the time with what would prove to an inconvenient, more unavailable, man, I found the song to express exactly how I felt. And I needed to tell him ... I always need to tell man how I feel whether he wants to hear it or not ... which is a charm, so. Always putting hair brained schemes into action, I burned the song, just the one song, to a CD and mailed it to him. I may have written a note that read: listen to this. Apparently, when he received and opened it, he did. And he did so in front of his college aged son, who wondered what it was all about. When I asked him if he has received the package, he said something to affect of 'what the hell' and 'my son thinks that you're nuts.' That was not quite the response that I was looking for. If only I had been embarrassed. I wasn't. I expressed exactly what I had intended. The act made me happy.
The woman at work listened to my story and said, 'well, you were a lot younger, right?' Oh, no. This happened just a few years ago. And that is just the start of me and my bright ideas to express my love to the men that I love. Compared to her story, I was the clear winner. And I didn't even have to try very hard.
And this weekend, I was able to see most of the live "Jesus Christ Superstar" broadcast. My favorite song ... "I Don't Know How to Love Him." Not Mary Magdalene's singing of it; rather, Judas. I'm still on my "Call Me By Your Name" kick and was more moved by a boy singing it to Jesus than a girl. Wow. I get it.